Hurt and trust
by Radiklement
Summary: When Sousuke has to face a terrible experience, getting back up seems too much to ask. Kaname looks after him, and they find out they mean more to each other they first thought in the process. A hurt and comfort one shot fic!


This is a simple one shot from how Kaname supports Sousuke in a terrible situation. Mostly a hurt and comfort fiction with some fluffy romance. Keep in mind that it's rated T for Teen, as in, there's a reason why under aged kids shouldn't read this, even if I have no control over it at all. I'd also like to mention that I'm a French writer first. English is only my second language, so it may sound weird here and there. It has been written two years ago too, but I corrected most mistakes. Please read and enjoy!

Hurt and trust

Sousuke woke up with a yell in his throat, shaking from head to toe. His nightmares were getting worse. Since the last mission, he'd almost been thrown out of Mithril. For once, he had failed, and this fail had led him to torture beyond words. Now, he was always scared. He often felt the urge to clench to something or to crawl in a corner, closing himself to the outside world. Mao said he needed to see someone. Kurtz suggested that he took a break. The captain was mortified. His fellow soldiers weren't looking at him anymore, everybody was avoiding him. He had been humiliated lately, more deeply than any soldier, no, more deeply than any man should ever be. He was mortified. He wished he could go back in time and erase it all. At the same time, he was glad that for once, he was the only one to suffer. But he was destroyed now, deep down. He felt like everything from his mind to his soul had been shattered.

His body had been fixed, but sometimes, the pain lingered in his limbs. He shivered, angry with himself. He must have been weak. It happened to no one else before in Mythril. Well, not to any guys he knew...

"Why can't I focus? What's wrong with me?!"

He put his hands to his head, grabbing his hair and pulling hard to forget. To forget that the most important person to him knew everything. He really didn't want the captain, or Mao, or even Kurtz to know what happened to him while he was being held prisoner by the enemy. But worst of all, Kaname Chidori knew. How was he supposed to protect her if all he saw of his own reflection in her eyes was his weakness?

"Oh, Sousuke, a nightmare again?" whispered miss Chidori.

Her slender arms wrapped around him and her warm body pressed itself against his. He tensed at the feeling, even if he really knew that she was no threat at all. He tried to pry off some of his hair. He wanted to hurt himself for being over sensible. She forced him to stop and began stroking his hair and head, playing gently with his locks. She found him cute. He thought of himself as pathetic. He knew he was.

"You shouldn't be so hard on yourself, Sousuke. You went through something horrible. It's okay to be hurt or scared."

"It's been three months already..."

"Calm down, breath slowly. Just focus on my voice and forget about it."

"I can't."

She held him even tighter and he yelped in fear. No one else could get this close to him now, if it was not for Kaname. And she was being very patient with him over this matter. She had moved to his place, to be sure he wasn't doing anything bad to himself and most of all, to see that he get some comfort. Mao couldn't see him like that and Kurtz was ashamed not to have helped his comrade sooner. Sousuke Sagara was alive, but inside, he was almost dead.

"You shouldn't be doing all this. I never was worth it."

Before, when he was on a mission, he always thought of her as his friend. She was his first mission's protégée, but he saw her as a real friend, as another reason to live with all this stress and pressure. He thought he could stay rational around her, but he couldn't. Every little word she said, any name she'd gave him meant more than any of his superior's talking ever had. As time went by, he realised that more than feeling his hormonal changes from teenage hood getting on his around her. It wasn't a chemical reaction. Well, not just that, even if she did awake his desires. He loved her more than a simple bodyguard would. He never told it to anyone, he didn't tell it aloud, afraid to lose his only chance to be around her. But now, it felt even more wrong than it already did!

"Don't say stupid things. You may be a militant freak, always blowing up, taking apart or torturing anything and anyone that looks suspicious, you're still a human being. And now, you need my help!"

"I don't" he whispered back, not believing it himself.

He just wanted to stand tall and strong before her. He didn't want her to see him break down. But Kaname was working hard to have him breaking up. She knew he had to admit what was what. He'd been through hell too many times to keep on forcing himself to fake his own well-being.

"I know you were hurt, Sousuke. I saw you on the tape and I saw your fear. I saw it all, as if I was with you all along!"

"Don't remind me," he begged.

He tried to get out of her grip, to stop from shaking, to relax a bit under her gentle touch. But then he felt her breathing on the back of his neck. His eyes began to water as he shivered once more. It'd been over since three months, but it still felt as if it was just yesterday, just an hour ago. He had been beaten up so many times that he couldn't move a muscle.

He could barely breathe or talk. His cell was small; the floor was cold under his burning skin. From all his clothes, the only one left in almost one piece were his pants. He breathed slowly, looking for his mind in the confused and painful block of nerves he had become.

This operation was a trap from the start. His lambda drive had been completely removed from the ballister. He fought for twelve hours before that his A-S was destroyed. Limb by limb, they took it apart, while the sergeant was still inside. He was shot in one leg and caught by a venom type of A-S. They played with him at first, throwing him around, softly enough not to kill him. He did try to escape, but there really was no way out. Eight men were more than enough to take him out with a wounded leg. Then, he was roughly treated for his wound and held in custody for two days. He was starving, both from thirst and hunger. Worst of all, the light was always on in his cell, while a continuous and annoying noise kept his from sleeping.

He was asked many questions in rough interrogatories. But he wouldn't answer to any of these, so the beating got even tougher. The third day, he was covered with bruises and blood, waiting for his own death, unless his team did came to his rescue. But then, a man came. The sergeant couldn't remember his face, but his large and muscular body was engraved in his memory. The man wasn't alone. None of them was. The man didn't say much. He didn't have to. His eyes were telling it all. Normally, Sousuke felt a little uneasy about any sexual matters or quiproquo involving girls. Mostly the captain and miss Chidori. Otherwise, he was a pure and honest, average 17 years old boy. But he never felt this scared in his whole life. It wasn't about being found guilty of anything this time. He was the prey at that moment...

He was shaking even more now. To think that _she _saw everything. To think that the captain watched that fucking tape with Chidori, so that the whispered could understand why he had miss one month of school. To think she watched him being pinned down by the three men, being toyed with as a doll, fighting back to no avail, clenching his teeth, giving up and being raped... To think she'd heard his groans and yells of pain at this time, when he thought nothing could bring him further down in hell. It was the worst of all, that she could tell him she'd seen it all. _"I saw your fear."_

"It's okay Sousuke. It's not your fault. And you're still you."

"...am not."

"Stop acting like a baby, for heaven's sake!"

She lost her patience and hit him on the shoulder with her clenched fist. He groaned a bit, before to let out a heavy sigh.

"I'm sorry," they both apologized, at the very same time.

Kaname smiled a bit, but she was surprised to hear the small chuckle of Sousuke. She was now sitting next to him, one of her hand still playing with his hair. It felt so soft...she thought. He moaned softly at her touch and she removed her hand immediately, scared of being going too far.

"It's one of the only things not scaring me now," he admitted. "You playing with my hair, I mean. You don't have to stop. I feel even better when you do it."

"Really? I was afraid that it just hurt you more."

"It's the only thing you're doing that doesn't make me believe you're pitying me."

"What?"

"I feel empty, and dirty and weak, and really not like who I'm used to be. And you're so caring all of a sudden with me, because you know what happened. It scares me."

"Sousuke..."

Now that he had started to talk, he couldn't refrain himself. He had to let it all out. He had to stop this masquerade to make sure she would act normally around him. As if nothing ever happened, so that he could convince himself that nothing ever happened.

"If I was still me, you wouldn't be staying here, unless there was a real threat for you to stay at your own house. If I really was Sergeant Sousuke Sagara, you wouldn't be so kind or concerned about me. I guess you would still be, but in your own way."

"What?... What do you mean, I never..."

She stopped on that track, realizing just how vulnerable he was now. And the last days and nights made her understand her own feelings about him. She liked him. It was even more than that. She loved him and was mad for what had happened. She wanted to protect him, to feel that he need her and that he was strong enough to protect her against anything. She wanted to stop him from blowing up the school again, she wanted to yell at him, to bake him supper, to lend him her homework and notebooks and to go on a rampage to get it back from his place if he dared to forget it.

"You're quite perceptive sergeant, aren't you?" she laughed, trying to hide her blush. "Well, it's a first, I thought you always had no idea what was really going on around you."

"I guess I'm a bit helpless with civilian's ways..." he whispered looking down.

She smiled again and dared to listen to her feelings once more. He was so cute right now! She hugged him. He didn't yelp this time, but jumped a bit at her boldness. She wrapped on arm around his waist and let the other went up to his neck so that she could make him look at her with a motion of her hand. His cross scar was really clear on his skin. He still liked a bit scared and confused.

"You know, maybe I'm a little helpless too with civilian's ways as you call them. I've been pushing you to your limits every day and night for two months while trying to comfort you."

She could feel his hot breath on her face and hoped he wouldn't back away. She'd discovered his soft side, the child behind the man, the human behind the soldier. And she wanted to taste him, to grasp his very essence, so that she never had ha chance to be so close of losing him again.

"No, it wasn't that bad."

After all, all she did was holding him and playing with his hair. Alright, sometime, he felt like a kitty and it was hard for his pride. But he almost dreamed that he could someday abandon himself in her arms, just to feel at home and accepted, for once. She was everything to him.

"I really, really don't want to hurt you, Sousuke."

"I'm tougher than I look," he replied, a bit hurt by her sentence.

"Are you, really, now?" she teased him.

Before he could even guess what she was preparing, she forced him to bend his head and kissed him lightly on the lips. His eyes widened and his heartbeat got faster. At first, he was tensed, ready to run away. But her mouth was soft and her touch gentle, even shy. It didn't last more than a second, or maybe two, anyway, she was gone so fast that Sousuke found himself almost immediately coming back for more. It's been a while since he wanted this. His rational mind didn't understand. His brain was electrified. He was shaking at the memory of this man moving over him. Had he the right to feel like this? Did he have the right to love her, to go even further than just keeping his feelings to himself? Wouldn't he hurt them both if he followed his growing desire? Was he ready to overlook what happened to him three months ago? Did he deserve her, as covered in blood and filth his hands and whole soul were?

"I'm sorry," she said. "I shouldn't have..."

"I..."

"I'm not that kind of girl, who would take advantage of you, you know. I just..."

"This was..."

"I should go now and..."

"No don't. I... Kaname, it's not right with my mission, but I don't give a damn anymore."

He dared to touch her face. Her skin was incredibly soft. She closed her eyes at the touch. His fingers traveled over her face and he gently stroked her lips.

"I thought you hated me, and everything that happened... I was sure that I would never see you again."

"Sousuke, you should know by now that I really feel safe when I'm with you."

"Even now?"

"Of course, even now, Baka! I trust you."

She gave him another hug and for the first time, he answered to it, and held her back. His embrace grew stronger as he felt his own fear building up inside him.

"Kaname, you really, really don't despise me? I'm a worthless killer. And I've been..."

"It doesn't matter. You're still human. You're still Sousuke Sagara. And I love you, despite anything else you could become or have been."

He smiled at that, utterly relieved. Even if fear was left, everything would be fine. She trusted him and he loved her...

The end.

Please, let me know what you think. I know that things seems to have gone a little too fast, but the situation was intense from the start. I rated this T, since there was nothing too graphic, but if you think that it needs a higher rating, feel free to warn me about it. This was a oneshot I had written long ago, over how Kaname and Sousuke could have finally spoken up. I guessed it'd took them something close to the end of the world. Thanks for taking the time to read this and please review!


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